20:

Its 530 and I cant sleep. Remember when I said we had the nausea under control, well we did. Then I decided to just stop taking the anti nausea meds AND my pain meds because I was sick of the side effects. Iv been real nauseous over the past 24 hours since I'v stopped taking them. The nausea has me up now, it sucks but the Queasy Drops help and so does the weed. So if i can manage this without tossing more drugs in my body, then taking more drugs because of THOSE drugs, Id like to avoid it.

The GoFundMe launched yesterday and Im flipping through all the facebook posts just now. I wanted to spend some time with Claire last night so I havent been on social media in about 10 hours. Its not something I was totally on board with, but I need to continue to learn throughout this process and this campaign is going to teach me so many things. The thing that is glaringly obvious that I dont have to learn is that I am loved and liked and thought about by so many people. It shows me above all else, that failure is not an option. Theres been no doubt in this house that Im scared to go back to chemo next week. I can tell my bodies weaker than it was going into that battle the first time, and the first time, I lost, and I lost bad. Fall down 7 times, get back up 8. As a result of the gofundme friends have taken the liberty to share the post and write a little snippet about me. I dont know if you can say someone is pumped for chemo next week, but after reading all of those posts, Im ready to hit that beast head on. In the meantime, I cant express how grateful I am to these people that have already donated, messaged, shared, called or sent something to aid me or my family. Friends, family, loved ones and strangers. What did I do to deserve this. An old friend called yesterday after he found out the news. You see testicular cancer is a relatively rare condition. It only effects about 26000 men, and only 9000 new cases each year. " You have to be the luckiest son of a bitch I know " he opens with. I always said, if it wasnt for bad luck, I wouldnt have any luck at all. This campaign, this morning, through this sea of nausea, and my morning rain, I knew this wasnt true, and I shoudlnt ever say it again. Look around you idiot. Im lucky enough to have my Mom down here with me through this all. Iv found love and a best friend in Claire who reminds me every day that im not doing this alone. I have a great friend, a mentor and my second family in Vic and the Lombards, I live in a place where, today I might have cancer, but in a few weeks, hopefully I wont. I was lucky enough to grow up in a small town, and move to an even smaller one, when, back in my day, the only stop light flashed red one way and yellow the other. To have went to the greatest University in the world where I made more friends that I will continue to have throughout my life. I knew going into this that I wouldnt be the same person coming out the other side, but I didnt know that it would absolutely be for the better.

Bring on chemo next week, only 2 more cycles to go.